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Honesty in Marriage


Why is it so hard to be honest? Ever notice that moment a white lie slips off your tongue? It rolls out so quickly, so mindlessly, so filled with self defense. “I just spent a few dollars on clothes.” “I only had a couple drinks.”

I recently had a very humbling moment in my marriage. Please, don’t judge me! I’m being honest and transparent with you all so you can learn from my mistakes. Although, I think this is one area many of us struggle with.

 My husband asked me a question and confronted me on an issue. I freaked out, felt ashamed about some choices I made, and lied. I told him everything was fine, he didn’t have to worry. I didn’t want to worry him. I thought I could take care if myself and my own issues.

I LIED. Why? In the moment I don’t think I was sure. Stepping back I can tell you exactly why I lied. Lying meant I didn’t have to deal with my problems. Lying meant I could conceal my ugly character from the man I love. Lying meant I might get out of getting caught and being exposed.

Two things about lying: 1. It doesn’t get you out of trouble. 2. It snowballs.

I am amazed at our justice system. Someone can go to court and pay a lawyer to try and lessen their sentence. Even though all these people are under oath, many of them still lie, and their fate is determined (or so it seems).

Our system is flawed. Liars and cheaters get off the hook all the time.

But we aren’t ultimately held accountable to human law. We are ultimately held accountable to God.

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Galatians 6:7-8
Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. John 3:18-20
We cannot hide from God. We deceive ourselves that we can. We try to hide. We do our best to act as if we have it all together. Then we have one too many drinks or spend too much over a weekend and our hearts flood again with guilt, shame, fear, denial. This is when the lies come. When we are most afraid to be honest.
I knew I was sinning. I knew God wanted me to be honest and step into the light. Stepping into the light is terrifying. It’s like standing on a big stage and walking into the center spotlight, vulnerable to everyone’s criticism. I knew I desired to obey God. I was scared my husband would be so hurt with me, and I was scared of the consequences of my poor choices.
Notice how many times I have used the words “fear, scared, ashamed”? That is because lying, in it’s most simple form, is lack of courage. It is cowardess.
But I serve a God who reminds me over and over again “Do not fear, for I am with you”. I serve a God who tells me I can trust Him because He is good, filled with mercy and compassion, and paid such a high price to forgive me for my sins. I serve a God who asks me to step into the light so he can see my wounds and heal them. I serve a God who promises to help me with my sin if I put my trust in him.

I decided to trust God and confess my sins. The instant I did so, relief filled my heart. I knew that moment I repented of my sin. I was free from the lie, the fear and shame.

My husband, although hurt, was so thankful I was honest. We talked through some important things. It was good.

I urge you all today- if you are stuck in a lie, come clean. There might be consequences. You might have to rebuild a relationship. But my guesses are the lie seems bigger to you than it really is. The sooner we step into the light, the sooner God and our loved ones can come to our rescue and help us.

Being a person of integrity is not easy. It requires constant self- examination, frequent humility, and lots of dependence on God. You might wonder if its really worth it.

It is. Your loved ones will see your vulnerability and dependence on God and will praise Him for it. Light is beautiful. It causes darkness to flee. It allows us to see. It lights our paths, gives nutrients to plants, and reveals hidden beauty.

Your marriage is the perfect place to start. Trust your partner. Be honest. Pray. Trust is such an important foundation for marriage. See the marvelous changes that come from your commitment. Jesus can be trusted. He is the light of the world, and helps us to put off our darkness and live in His light. It is beautiful, and although difficult, worth everything. He will rescue us from darkness.
While I am in the world, I am the light of the world. John 9:5
The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Romans 13:12
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  • Reply Erica {let why lead}

    Marriage really is the perfect place to start. I can’t think of anywhere where honesty is more important and has better results. Thanks for sharing your story and making us all think about things we might need to open up about.

    August 13, 2013 at 7:11 pm
    • Reply Tiffany Cutcliff

      Thanks Erica! I really appreciate this comment. It is hard opening up about these issues for sure.

      August 14, 2013 at 2:13 am
  • Reply Wifessionals

    I too have been in this place before – Its so scary how easily little lies can just fall out of our mouths. Good for you for being open and sharing about this (:

    August 13, 2013 at 8:10 pm
    • Reply Tiffany Cutcliff

      Thanks girl. It is so scary. I love knowing I am not the only one.

      August 14, 2013 at 2:13 am
  • Reply Janelle

    Thank you so much for sharing this! Definitely an important thing to remember in marriage.

    August 14, 2013 at 1:23 am
  • Reply Chetana Krishna

    I can resonate with what you are saying – sometimes I do a white lie with my hubby and the guilt overrides me so much – that I confess too quickly – it does make me feel much better!!

    August 14, 2013 at 10:06 am
  • Reply Life with Amberly

    Ok, I love this post so much!!!!!! I love how forward you are about it and I love that you weren’t afraid to share your struggle with all of us! 🙂 Thank you so much for linking up and sharing your goal, I think it’s a great one! My husband can always tell if I’m lying, and sometimes he thinks I’m lying when I’m not because I get so flustered with my answer, so I never really think I lie to him, but I bet if I looked at it, I lie to him about simple little things, and what you said just enlightened me! THANK YOU!!!!!

    August 15, 2013 at 5:33 pm
  • Reply Kalyn Randolph

    This is a great post, Tiffany. I am so thankful for your rawness and vulnerability to share. I believe that there are probably many wives who have done this same thing or could be tempted to act in the same ways in the future. It is such an encouragement to have someone like you stand up and admit that marriage is the best place to begin to be and seek trustworthiness, honestly, and commitment. Thanks for linking up with us! I hope so many other wives were encouraged by your post as much as I was!

    August 21, 2013 at 5:13 pm
    • Reply Tiffany Cutcliff

      Thank you for this really sweet comment. I am glad I was able to relate to other women out there. It is encouraging to hear feedback. I am loving your link up. Thanks again for providing the place for women to be real about their faith and marriage.


      August 22, 2013 at 7:33 pm
  • Reply Kelsey Eaton

    Love this post. So honest and true. Once the lies start it is so hard to get out of them.

    August 23, 2013 at 5:55 pm
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