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Letters to my daughter- On Romance

One of the reasons I started this little blog space was for my daughter. I wanted to capture thoughts and stories for her she could look back on and read, and along the way, I have hoped to inspire and encourage other moms and daughters. As I sit here this morning writing this, my heart aches and I am almost in tears for young women everywhere. I cannot help but see the desperate girls on Facebook and Instagram seeking attention in the wrong way. Many of them I know personally. They are beautiful, young girls- intelligent and sweet. Yet, they post pictures of themselves half naked, suggestive, and seeking (sometimes asking) for “likes” and “comments”. I hate reading the responses from guys and girls. So many young women need to be reminded how loved they are by God, how worthy and valuable they are, and they need wisdom. All the attention they get is only making them want more. It is not quenching the thirst for feeling loved. I know, because I used to feel the same way. I remember being a young woman in my teens and reading every book on purity I could get my hands on. I wrestled with my worth, purity, and feeling loved BIG TIME.

See, I struggled with understanding relationships. My mom and dad divorced when I was very young. I puzzled together different ideas about love and dating based on my experiences and those around me. For the most part, I was navigating through my young adult life with little to no knowledge on what a romantic relationship was.

I had a couple long term boyfriends. I dated here and there. I was trying to fill the hole in my heart with guys. I wanted to feel beautiful and accepted and loved. Instead, I often felt desperate, fearful, and unknown.

I sat across from a dear and beautiful friend at lunch yesterday. She is a stunning, passionate, gorgeous woman. She has traveled the world, is one of the most intelligent people I know, and can make just about anyone laugh until they pee their pants. Yet, she is experiencing the same heart ache I’ve experienced.

This post is dedicated to my daughter, who I hope I will have the privilege one day to sit face to face with over lunch with as well. My job in the next decade or so is to help guide her lovingly into an understanding of what romantic love truly is, in the hopes that she will not make the same mistakes I made. My job starts today. It is not a responsibility I should pass on to the education system during sex education. Sex education, love education, and wisdom starts as soon as a baby is born. It is guiding my child, teaching my child, loving my child, and helping her build a solid foundation and identity in truth and love.

Love is so much more than passion or feelings. Sex is so much more than a climax or instant gratification. Our culture makes these things out to be stuff we should get whenever we have the chance. Sex and love is so cheapened in our culture (and probably throughout history), that any young girl can easily get lost in trying to find love.

God is love. If only I had understood sooner how much worth I have in God, how different would my outlook had been? What types of guys would I have sought to become friends with? How would I have dressed differently?

Psalm 139:13-16 states “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

This is one of the first verses I want my daughter to know. I want her to know how wonderfully made she is, how mysterious and unique and lovely her little personhood truly is. There are so many more verses I want to share that are so beautiful and comforting, but I will save those for another post.

My hope is one day she would read this letter and be encouraged that she is more valuable than she could ever imagine. My hope is along the way I would raise her with love, God’s scriptures which share His heart for her, and wisdom that she can store in her heart to help guide her along the rocky, difficult, and often lonely path of life. My heart longs for her to not throw away her beauty for attention from guys, but to confidently save herself for one man that will love her and cherish her for who she is on the outside and inside, and that he would be a man who protects her, loves God and submits his life to Jesus and serving others with love, strength, and kindness.

If you have a daughter, join me in praying for them in this area. Even if they are just a newborn. They need us. As a young girl I sought out wisdom from older women and I had a thirst for understanding- I was just grasping at air many times. Yet I remember hoping that love was more than a feeling, and I have found it is. Love is God.

Our daughters want to learn from us. They watch us and imitate us. Let’s use the influence we have in their lives to build them up and share hope with them.

Thanks for letting me share my heart this morning. Now I need to go get some coffee and Kleenex.



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  • Reply Lix Hewett

    This is a sweet letter. I will say, though, I don’t agree with your first paragraph in the slightest. I feel perfectly valuable as a person and my sharing suggestive/sexy/half-naked pictures online doesn’t take away from that. It’s my choice and it doesn’t make me a lesser person. Also, wanting attention =/= desperate. As for the responses from guys… that’s on them. Unless a woman explicitly says she’s okay with those sorts of responses, they shouldn’t happen. It borders on harassment. And it’s NOT her fault for posting pictures of herself half-naked. That’s rape culture talking.

    September 23, 2013 at 1:11 pm
    • Reply Tiffany Cutcliff

      Hi Lix,
      Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your thoughts and am grateful this is an open forum to discuss such important topics as this. Even if there is disagreement! 🙂

      I can definitely see your point. I agree- women do NOT lose their value when they post such pictures. In fact, that was my case entirely, and if I failed to state it right I am sorry. My whole point is that women have SO much more value than just their bodies or how they look. I also agree that it is NOT their fault when men or women write degrading comments back to them. The fault lies in the writer of the comments. I agree 100%.

      The audience I was speaking of are girls that are very young, and many of them I know personally through family or friendships. I am not blanket stating every woman who takes a sexy picture of herself online has no self-worth or confidence. This post is really speaking to young, impressionable, and naive girls much like I was at 14 or 15.

      I hope that clarifies things! Thanks again you had some great insights.

      September 23, 2013 at 7:20 pm
  • Reply Heather Leigh @ Adifferent kind of woman

    LOVE this girl!! I feel the exact same way. It breaks my heart when I see young women desperate for attention by others.

    September 23, 2013 at 2:36 pm
    • Reply Tiffany Cutcliff

      Thanks for the comment Heather! Yes… I feel the same way…

      September 23, 2013 at 7:21 pm
  • Reply 19thmainstreet

    This is beautiful. Would you mind if I read this to some of the girl I have in my youth group? Several of them are struggling with these sorts of problems at the moment and you’ve put it so beautifully!
    Hannah x

    September 23, 2013 at 3:36 pm
  • Reply Susannah

    This is beautiful. You daughter is so lucky to have you as her mom!

    September 24, 2013 at 10:33 pm
    • Reply Tiffany Cutcliff

      Thanks Susannah! You are too kind:). I really appreciate that!

      September 24, 2013 at 11:57 pm
  • Reply the florkens

    This is soooo beautiful. I am going to share it with my older sister who just had a beautiful little girl in August.


    September 25, 2013 at 3:36 am
  • Reply Alessandra Ferguson

    So sweet. I completely identify with you growing up in a similar way. It is my heart that prayerfully I will have a daughter and can teach her the same things. This is such a sweet letter.

    September 26, 2013 at 9:16 pm
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